My Blood.

*short post bc I have the day off and want to write.

There's a song called "My Blood."  Its about a boy and his brothers.  In the first two lines he says, "If you're facing down a dark hall, I'll grab my light and go with you." The song speaks volumes. It could mean anything, from a literal hallway or dark mind.  Its a song about relationships and having someone's back no matter the circumstance. "Stay with me no, you don't need to run. Stay with me my blood."  The line "you don't need to run." is said more often than other line in the song.  Its meant to convey that sense of support.  Support that no matter what your facing, if they're calling for your head, that they'll grab their bat and go with you.

Support. Its something that, while you always kinda know you have it. Its often hard for those who support you, to even say it often enough.  Especially when you're in the same place as me.  I know these things.  Deep down. I feel it, I know they love me.  Thats why I tried for so long to thrive off it. My nieces and nephews smiling at me, calling me Juju.  My siblings calling me because they want to chat and playing games with my brother.  But its harder than you think. You're dealing with so much that its hard to get lifted high enough to see any light. You have all the support in the world but fear that the weight that you're carrying will overwhelm them too and that's your biggest fear.  They're afraid of lose you, but you're afraid that you'll lose them because of you.

It feels like they offer their support, but do they really know what kinda burden taking on?

I've recently had a LOT of support.  Its wonderful and truly heartwarming.  I love them.  All of them.  Its makes me feel warmer when sometimes I am too cold to feel anything.  But I can't help but worry. I know its not pity, but I worry it might be obligation or responsibility.  I worry that they may not realize how deep it really goes. I worry that, as much as they love me, maybe it'll more than they can handle, maybe I'll be more than they can handle.

I suppose thats what family is for though.  Just like the song. My Blood. They'll be with you no matter what.  You're their blood. No matter how strong your fear is that they'll be hurt in the process they'll go with you. Its nice to know. Knowing, that no matter how terrible you think the situation is, you got an army to go to war with you. 



"If you find yourself in a lion's den, I'll jump right in and pull my pin and go with you."